When I had my operation
I displayed a lot of guts;
I could take it, smile and like it,
But the bed pan drove me nuts.
When nature called, I'd call the nurse;
And when I called she ran
And soon I'd have my carcass
Parked upon that gosh-darned pan.
I'd slide back on my shoulders
But the leverage wasn't there,
And instead of something doing,
I'd shoot a flock of air.
And when at last I'd get results,
I'd feel around my seat,
To see if I had missed the pan
And piled it on the sheet.
There was a cold sweat on my forehead,
When I'd feel with cautious care,
And with sights of satisfaction
Find not a thing was there.
But now a new contortion
Would leave me weak and pale;
I'd have to work and twist and squirm
To wipe my poor sore tail.
I'd raise my sitter, high mid-air
This closed the gapping span;
My shaky hand would slip, and then
I'd grab that gosh-darn pan.
The muscles of my neck would bulge
As I stood upon my head,
I'd make a few wild passes
And fall weakly back in bed.
And when I'd ring the nurse came in
And carried off the pan;
I'd wonder why, on such a job,
They didn't send a man.
Then finally, I'd settle down,
That movement was a treat;
But, wait a minute! What's so warm,
And wet upon the sheet.
With a gasp of apprehension,
I'd slowly raise my gown,
And there beneath my sitter
Would be a blotch of brown.
And so, as operations go,
I"m a burly, big he man;
But gosh! It simply burns me up
When I miss that gosh-darned pan.
*You can see the whole epic illustrated here.
9 comments:
That's DEEEEEE-sgusting.
My Grandmother was a Nurse back in the 50's and when I was going through her things during a move, I found the same pamphlet. And currently being in Nursing School I thought it was absolutely hilarious. Needless to say, I kept it too.
I can remember being a child and my mother absolutely being in tears laughing in the card section after purchasing this card for her father who was hospitalized.
Being a child and "not getting the joke" but witnessing your mother completely losing it over a get well card card burned that image into my memory. Both my grandfather and mother are now gone and I am now turning fifty but the memory is so pleasant and now, having wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes I can say, "I now get the jokes"!
My mother had gall-bladder surgery and my Aunt who was a nurse sent this hilarious poem in a greeting card. The surgery was very invasive in the sixties and she was in extreme pain laughing at thie card. She save it for years--probably still has it and I'm 'tickled' to find it available on the internet to include in my get well cards.
I'm glad you posted this. I've been looking for it a long time. A friend had it back in the late 1950s or early 1960s and used to scream parts of it out: a flock of air, a blotch of brown, pile it on the sheet, that goddamn pan. Those were the only parts I remembered.
I so remember this, from years ago, My 17 yr old daughter had her appendix out yesterday but prior to that not being able to move she needed to go and the bedpan was the only option LOL so I have now posted this on her facebook page she needs the laugh
Hi, the blog contents are really new and different .
;)
Bed Pans India
I remember my mother buying this card for my grandfather when he had a heart bypass. I read it over and over and laughed so many times back then. It remained in my grandparents house for soo long. I've looked for a copy for years. So thank YOU and the internet for for making it possible to send to a friend for her fathers upcoming procedures. Enjoy Dave.
I remember my aunt reading this and laughing until she was fully in tears I just read it to my wife after 30 years
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